just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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