I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
