Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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