I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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