my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
