Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
