It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
