At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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