Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
