I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
