My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
