I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
3 2 1 whiskey
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
