Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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