Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
