Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
