The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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