i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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