I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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