i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
