He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I still have a little drunk in my system
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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