did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
