Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He better not be in your backpack
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
