She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
