Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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