No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
