I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize