Having a random hookup so left but love u
Small penises have feelings too.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
