guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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