Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
