I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
