I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
