You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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