Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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