so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize