it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
