I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
