My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
