put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Fuck appropriateness.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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