Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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