Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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