It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
