I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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