I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
