there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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