I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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