Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
