wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
