the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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