Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We had to coat check the pizza.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
