Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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