His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
