You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
