the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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