i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
