Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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