hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
