Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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