Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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