She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
