So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
