There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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