I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
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Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
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gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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